Lockdown Week 1

At the time of writing this, we're nearing the end of 1 week in lockdown here in the UK, due to the current Coronavirus pandemic spreading across the world.

I've been working from home and social distancing even before the lockdown for 9 days now (this is my second weekend in it), so this feels a little bit more like week 2.

I thought I'd check-in (maybe, depends on how my mental health is) at the end of each week to note what I'm grateful for and what I'm finding really hard. This is very rough and ready. I'm not intending to spend an age on it, or edit my writing, crafting it to perfection. Because it's just not the time is it? I want to do this to look back on when it's all over and also because there's such a rapid sense of pace I want to remember where I was at each week, and how I was feeling.

I hope there won't be too many of these. Is it weird that if I hope to hard I feel like I'm going to jinx it and we'll be stuck in this state forever?

It all feels like a bad dream. But it also is starting to feel completely normal at an incredibly fast rate, which also scares me even more.

Things I'm grateful for: 

In no particular order...

  • Feeling like I've been able to adapt quickly, and the majority of others have too (not including people ignoring the government's advice on social distancing, and those panic buying before NHS workers have a chance to buy their shopping).
  • My team at work. I miss them lots and when this is all over I'm never going to complain about going to work again.
  • The Houseparty app. I had a 'sesh' last night which lasted about 6 hours! I got very drunk in my front room and don't remember going to bed. Cheap night but nearly as much fun as seeing my mates in real life.
  • The Bon Appetite YouTube Channel. This has become a regular part of my routine. Every lunch hour at work I'll watch one of Claire's 'Gourmet Makes' episodes. They're easy viewing, calming, and it's food-related, so I'm a happy bunny.
  • Cities Skylines. An old favourite which has slotted itself nicely into my evening routine. After finishing work, doing some exercise, and then having dinner, I'll usually finish the evening on here.
  • Yoga! I've finally made this a part of my routine too. Each morning it's become the first thing I do when I wake up and starts my 'get ready to work' routine. Haven't managed to do it at the weekend yet. That's going to take some more willpower. Also, the DownDog app. Great.
  • Running. (Okay, jogging). I've got a complicated history with running, but after having this desire to run and burn off energy and feel my body move, I've fallen back in love with it. And surprised myself at how far I can actually run around my block. I'm hoping to do this 3 times a week. Twice right now at the time of writing (Sunday afternoon).
  • 1 Second Everyday. I was reminded by one of my close friends about this app. It's been a great way to cheer me up actually. I've started the process of going back and finding every scrap of video I've ever filmed to backdate my timeline. It's also made me feel all warm inside when I watch the snippets of me with my friends and loved ones over the past 10 years.
  • Sunshine. Barring today (Sunday) it's been sunny every single day I think whilst we've been in lockdown/self-isolating. I've sat myself in the window to work and to write and I think it's been a huge factor in keeping my mental health somewhat stable.
  • Daily walks. (Except on Saturday which has become my 'you can truly slob out day' day). I take my 1 journey out of the house each time to go for my run or, on the other days, a walk. I take the same route. But whether I'm running or walking I always leave around half 5, because I catch the golden hour before sunset and I feel happiest at this point. It also seems to be when few people are out. The clocks changed last night though so maybe I'll move my walk a bit. We'll see.
  • The NHS & everyone clapping for them.
  • Being able to do my job from home. 
  • Hand cream!
  • A tidy bedroom. 
  • Live streams from other agencies during the day, offering me reassurance and ideas that I can implement in my own work to get through this.
  • Listening to 'office ambience' during the time I'm working, so help me concentrate and feel like there's some hubbub going on.
  • The colour of my hair. I dye my hair a lot, but I haven't for a while and it's actually a nice colour. So I'm very pleased it's worked out this way, otherwise, this is the kind of thing that would be very small and insignificant but would push me over the edge.
  • A nice pair of slippers. Okay, two pairs. I have a slip-on pair and a boot pair. Shoes aren't getting much of a look in right now, but putting on a pair of slippers makes me feel fully dressed and like I'm ready for the day. It's all about creating some sense of routine and trying to mimic the feeling of 'going to work'. Even though I just have to go downstairs and sit at my dining table.
  • My water bottle. I've been drinking so much water during this time! So much! Have I had to run to the loo about 14 times a day? Yes. But is my body thanking me for it? Yes. I feel so much less tired and just so much healthier from drinking enough each day. 
A snap from my run. Half an hour of bliss.

The worst bits:

Also in no particular order...
  • Lack of face to face human interaction. I'm in lockdown with my parents, but I do miss my boyfriend, friends, and people from work. Video calls are a good halfway point but not quite the same. 
  • Anxiety
  • A sense of mourning over what plans I had for this time and the fact they've been cancelled. I know that's the right decision but I'm still sad about it. I really felt like I had my shit together for a couple of months leading up to this, so I'm finding that really tough. 
  • The realisation that I had my shit together. I'd suffered very poor mental health for most of 2018, spanning into 2019. But it's only now I've had a moment to stop and think that I realised I've been happy (or was...) from about September time 2019. I was living in a bit of a blissful bubble for a bit. I'm now feeling more like 2018 me. So. Yay. I keep telling myself that I got over it before so I will be able to get over it again. 
  • Uncertainty. Uncertainty in everything. I'll have moments of thinking "hey this isn't so bad" and then reality hits and I realise that actually, this is pretty bad.  
  • Worrying about people you care about and not being able to help/see them. 
  • Cracked knuckles. 
  • Time. Everything is moving so fast but so slowly all at the same time. 
How much different a few hours makes. Happy in the morning. Overwhelmed with everything by the afternoon.  

And that's it for this week. Toodz.